they were boys when they met, two young boys that thought everything and the world was at their feet
merlin was going to live a simple life with the court physician because his mother wanted him to have someone to guide him and his magic and the prospect of a new life was exciting and so different to his life in ealdor
and arthur thought he was on top of the world, didn’t care what others thought of him, or at least, he thought he didn’t
he was the crown prince and he was going to be king of this great kingdom that his father was creating and he would marry a beautiful princess from a neighbouring kingdom
they had it all planned out
but arthur didn’t have plans for merlin to be a part of his life, and merlin didn’t plan for arthur to be in his
but everything wove together and they created dreams without words
they built each other up into these great young men and they learnt that nothing was definite, and everything could fall apart, but they took their chances because they were each others original chances and it was the best thing to have happened to the both of thrm
and arthur died knowing that he was everything that merlin lived for, and merlin held him as though nothing else even existed
all these feelings are either going to kill me or turn me into a successful novel writer
#jesus christ it’s both of sam’s most common relaxed positions #like he usually has his hands in his pockets and kinda slumped shoulders like john there #and he leans a lot like dean there #I just alksjdh getting a lot of sam-mirroring-john-and-dean feelings #dont lookat me (yourdarlinglittlesammy)
“Imagine losing an appendage,” Cas said once, when Dean hadn’t asked and, grinding his teeth as he stared fixedly down at maps of newly-discovered hot zones, quite obviously didn’t want to know. “No, imagine losing one of your senses—no. Imagine losing a sense that is the faculty of an appendage—”
He doesn’t recall what he’d taken that day; he knows, though, it was one of the drugs that made Dean resent having to carry on a conversation with him. But Cas’s back had been aching intolerably under the nerveless, incapacitated weight of his wings—despite the pills, which could do wonders for his mood but nothing for his pain—and it suddenly seemed very important that Dean should understand what it was to be graceless.
what did you do to me
no but seriously… when was the last time that Dean motherfucking Winchester did this for anyone? when was the last time that he deliberately sat down to talk about feelings? when was the last time that he allowed himself to open up in order to make someone else feel better?
yeah, he told Benny to call him if he needed help, but it’s not like he opened the feelings door to his new friend. he never said “call me if you need to talk about how difficult and scary this new version of the world is.” he heard Benny’s complaints and asked him if he was good. that’s it. no feelings, no heavy things, just the soldier’s way.
then there’s Sam. Dean heard a little about Sam’s year alone, but he never pressed. you can bet that he’s interested, and we know that he’s bitter about his brother not searching for him, but the man can’t even remember what he said during their fight. Dean feels the need to be the tough one, Daddy’s little solider, always looking out for his little brother, and never let him see the cracks no matter how hard Sam pushes. Dean loves his brother more than anything and will always chose him, but he can’t open up to him that way, he can’t be even weaker for Sam. everyone already knows that Sam is Dean’s weak point, everyone knows that to get to Dean Winchester you’ve gotta take down Sam Winchester; so no, he’s not going to discuss feeling with his little brother.
but then… then you have Castiel… Cas, the shorter version… the angelic creature who pulled him from hell, gave him a new body, fought with him, died for him, came back for him, and then went to purgatory with him. this is the angel who gave everything and did it all in faith of the righteous man. this is the angel, the man, the friend that Dean has who he can open up to. Cas has already seen every bad part of Dean, right? yeah, he has. so allowing Cas to hear that he was shaken for weeks after getting out of purgatory, knowing the pain and hardship that Cas went through down there, and understanding the need to talk about it… Dean Winchester sat down and told his friend to talk to him. he told his family member that he is there for him and that he won’t leave him to fight his own battles. yeah, Dean needs to protect everyone, but he knows that Cas can take care of himself. he knows that Cas isn’t his responsibility, but that doesn’t mean that Cas isn’t family. that doesn’t mean that Cas doesn’t mean to world to him. that doesn’t mean that Dean can’t help out when he’s needed even if Cas doesn’t understand those human emotions like helplessness and guilt. Dean’s understands, Dean’s got him.